


start over

by notsylvia



Series: we'll watch the moonlight together [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based on a Vocaloid Song, Death is cool, F/M, I make myself cry, LISTEN TO IT, Someone dies, belgium tries to help too, by pinocchiop, can we just assume that natalya charges her phone in the time shifts because, don't i, i feel bad for belarus, i love putting my favourite characters in miserable situations, it's a continuous cycle rip, last continue, pinocchiop makes good songs, ukraine tries to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 11:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16094762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsylvia/pseuds/notsylvia
Summary: "hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible."otherwise known as, "natalya in denial".





	start over

_under the moonlight,_  
_on this cold night, it ignites,_  
_our hearts to come closer_  
_the morning light,_  
_can't help but fight,_  
_and throw that spite-filled reality in my face_

~

the both of them intertwined their fingers with one another as the church bells from faraway chimed, a smile painted onto tolys' serene face. natalya stared at tolys with a loving look, her eyes swirling with immeasurable amounts of love and admiration for this man she calls her husband. 

it was beautiful, she thought. he was beautiful, she thought. 

_this is perfect._

~

natalya snapped her eyes open as she bolted up, sitting up on her empty, big bed in this desolate room. she looked around and sighed, feeling a tinge of sadness in her heart. she rubbed the bridge of her nose before getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen. 

she poured herself a glass of cold water that has been left on the kitchen counter for a little too long. she drank from the glass as she looked at her surroundings. 

ah, the surroundings in which she grew up in. 

natalya never planned to move back in with her siblings, she planned to have a peaceful married life with children down the line. but life always seemed to have other plans for her. 

after washing up the glass, she trudged back up into her empty and unnaturally cold room. 

once she entered the room, she immediately picked up her phone, and sat in bed. she dialled the number which she had by now memorised, and placed it to her ear. 

"hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible," her husband's lovely voice echoed. 

a sigh fell from her lips as she pulls the phone away from her ear and her fingers hovered over the red button. she pushed down on it, and threw her phone back onto the nightstand, knowing that tolys was most probably asleep at this hour. 

she laid in bed on her back. her eyes were dull and her lips pursed into a thin straight line as she looked at the ceiling, trying to get herself back into the land of sleep, so she could dream of her beloved tolys again. 

to her, sweet dreams were made of her husband, her one and only, and her love.

~

"...the person with whom I will spend my life," tolys finished, a bright smile apparent on his face and looking lovingly at natalya who stared at him under her veil, her heart swelling with love and her fingers nervously fidgeted around the bouquet she held. 

"you are now husband and wife, you may kiss the bride," the pastor said, staring at the newlywed with a happy look on his face. 

tolys gently lifted up her veil and pulls it over her head before staring into natalya's deep, azure orbs filled to the brim with love and admiration for the woman before he leaned in and softly pressed his lips against hers to which natalya pressed hers back eagerly. 

the church burst into a chorus of wolf-whistles and cheers, everyone celebrating the marriage of these two souls who found each other. 

they pulled away from the kiss and stared into each other's eyes, shutting the rest of the bustling room out, getting lost in each others' gazes and smiles. 

~

the morning shone through the curtains of her room as she cringed, and slowly opens her eyes. she slowly sits up on her bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily. she looked around and sighed just like she always did, feeling a tinge of loneliness in her heart. 

she got out of bed and slowly made her way to the bathroom. she took a step into the bathroom and stares at her reflection in the mirror, her deep blue eyes staring back at her. her eyebrows furrowed in frustration before she moved on to doing her own things. 

she stepped out of the bathroom and into her room, walking over to her closet and carelessly throwing on some clothes, not bothering about whether or not she looked good. why would she? there was no one to look good for anyways. 

she reached for her phone and dialled the same number she did last night, placing in onto her ear. 

"hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible," the voice that she loved so much spoke. should she leave a voicemail for him? he most probably would respond, wouldn't he? he was probably still asleep at this hour though. 

she pulled the phone away and hung up, placing the phone back onto the nightstand. she walked down to the kitchen, just like she always did. 

" _доброе утро_ [1], natalya!" the oldest sister, iryna, greeted upon seeing her little sister in the room together with her. 

" _доброе утро_ [1]," natalya responded, pouring herself a glass of water. 

"did you have a good night's sleep?" iryna asked, placing three plates of food on the table right in front of the kitchen. 

"yes, i did," she answered. "i had a good night's sleep," she added, sipping her glass of water. 

"oh, that's great!" iryna chirped. "have some breakfast. you're going to work today right?" 

natalya gave a short pause, thinking over her response. 

"yes," she answered. "i'll be going to work today." the moment those words left natalya's lips, iryna felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders as she heaved a sigh of relief and flashed her little sister a graceful and comforting smile. 

"great! i'm so glad you're ready to go back to work!" iryna beamed excitedly, pulling out a chair. "here, have a seat and eat breakfast! make sure you get enough energy to last through the day!" 

"what about you and big brother?" natalya asked, staring at the plate of freshly cooked eggs with some delicious-looking strips of bacon. 

"i'll wait for ivan to return home from the market to eat," she smiled. "now eat up your breakfast!"

wordlessly, she picked up the utensils and proceeded to finish up her breakfast, thinking about her beloved and what he might be doing at this hour.

~

"natalya!" belle's surprised and cheery voice gasped, belle herself raising up from her seat and rushing over to natalya with a bounce in her steps. 

"you're back!" belle beamed, reaching out to grasp natalya's palms in her own. "how are you feeling?"

"fine, i'm feeling fine," natalya answered. 

"are you sure? i mean, i don't doubt what you say, but tolys..."

"i'm fine, really," natalya affirmed.

"if you say so...then alright! welcome back to the office!" 

~

"hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible," her husband's voice spoke, repeating the line that natalya has heard so many times. tolys was probably still at work. he did tend to work overtime a lot, and it would have to take natalya at least an hour to try to get him to stop and return home. 

natalya sat in the train on the way back home, tuning out the chattering of the other commuters and allowing herself to drift into her own thoughts, thinking about what her husband was doing at this hour. 

natalya alighted the train at her stop and walked back home alone, in the lonely moonlight of moscow.

~

"welcome back, _сестра_ [2]," natalya's older brother, ivan, greeted as he watched her enter the house. "how was your day today?"

"it was fine," she answered in a monotone voice, making her way past him. "tell iryna i'm home, i'll be in my room if you need me." 

"of course," he smiled sweetly. "get enough rest for tomorrow,  _да_ [3]?"

" _да_ [3]," she responded, walking up to her room in silence. 

opening the door to her room, she let out a sigh as she moved to sit on her bed. she ran her fingers through her platinum locks, her eyes downcast and swirling with unspeakable amounts of sadness and regret. the room was silent, and the only sound that resounded was the sound of her heart pounding and her breathing in this lonely, empty room.

a sigh fell from her lips, just like it always did, and she prepared to go to bed, ready to go into the land of dreams. 

though sweet dreams for her were made of her beloved, her horrid nightmares were made of him as well. 

~

natalya huffed in annoyance as she stormed across the road, wanting to get as far away from her house as she possibly can. 

"natalya please!" tolys' sweet, angelic voice pleaded with her, following behind her. "i know i said somethings just now, but i truly didn't any of them! i-i just said them on impulse...let me explain, natalya!" 

she kept silent as she reached to the other side of the road, before the shrill screeching of a car stopped her dead in her tracks. did tolys...? was tolys...? is tolys...? 

"...tolys...?" her voice came out soft and shaky, still facing away from the road. "tolys, this isn't funny," natalya spoke, her voice still shaky but no longer soft. swallowing her fear down, she forced herself to turn to the road. 

the sight made her eyes widen and she clasped her palms over her mouth as she rushed to kneel by tolys' motionless body. she bit her lips as she shook him by the shoulders, desperately trying to get him to wake up. 

"dammit tolys..." she mumbled to herself as she stumbled over herself, the tears blurring her vision and trying to grab a hold of her phone to dial emergency numbers. 

"tolys...just stay alive, dammit..."

~

natalya jolted awake and quickly sat up on her big, empty bed, panting. she lifted her fingers and pressed it against her eyes, feeling a damp substance. 

"crying," she mumbled. "i'm crying," she murmured with a dry chuckle as she wiped her fingers on her nightgown. she turned to the framed photograph of her and tolys. 

she picked her phone once again, and dialled tolys' number, placing it on her ear. 

"hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible," his voice came out as sweet as honey, and she couldn't ask for more. instead of hanging up, she decided to leave him a voicemail. 

"tolys, i still don't want to believe that you're dead. but the bed is so cold without you beside me, the room feels lonely without you trying to make me laugh. sometimes i wonder if anything could be done so that you would be here with me right now," she spoke, looking down at her nightgown and toying with it. 

"sometimes i wish i could start over. maybe if i had stayed to listen to you, maybe if i had hadn't been so immature. i know you would tell me to leave it, and to move, that life is too short for me to be sad and gloomy all the time. i know that, tolys.

"it's so hard, because you've been my pillar and my support beam, and now i feel like a part of me is missing..." she paused. 

"come back to me, please."

~

natalya had woken up in the middle of the night again, due to her endless thoughts of her beloved husband. 

she reached out for her phone, and dialled his number, placing it on her ear. 

"hey, it's tolys. if you are hearing this, please leave a voicemail and i will try to call back as soon as possible."

~

_between this life and the next,_  
_i've got nowhere to go_  
_this one way street of life_  
_has no end in sight_

 

**Author's Note:**

> translations ;  
> russian:  
> доброе утро ; dobroye utro ; good morning  
> сестра ; sestra ; sister  
> да ; da ; yes


End file.
